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Ichabod elaborates on the freemasonry' history in the secret war against evil and searches their secret local headquarters for clues.

My love of flame-grilled beef (and beef byproduct) undaunted, I continued on.

After my heart stopped pounding, I drove up to the order screen and waited.

As I sat there staring, it cycled through all the menu options, pictures of food that looked more edible than the food I was planning on ordering, pictures of that Burger King creep, and began again. I waited two full minutes- not a lifetime, but too long to waste sitting at a Burger King drive-through. The screen kept cheerily cycling through its pictures of onion rings and oddly unappealing chicken fries, interspersed with ads that said things like “customers are #1!

It’s Me, The Yeti.” We’ll also be taking calls on our special astral plane hotline. Besides, is there anything worse than walking into 7-11 on Valentine’s Day and buying a stale hot dog and a Big Gulp for one?

If you’re listening to us from beyond time and space, that’s the number for you to call. But first, I’d like to tell you about some of the special things we’ve got going on here at Lying Awake. I know that it’s hard to get a date, especially if you tell people that you listen to this show. It’s called Paranormal-ish Date, and it’s for people like you, who want to meet people like you, but can’t seem to meet people like you. Despite what you are thinking, yes there is and I found it.

It’s a dating site like no other, tailored just for Lying Awake listeners. Maybe you’re into the dark side of politics, the machinations behind the scenes. And finally, this one really has me excited, I’m pleased to offer to you Cthulhu Date. Whether you are a disciple of Nylarthotep or worship Dagon or Tsathoggua, you’ll find your date, mate, or fate right here. Like I said, it was bone-chilling cold so no way did I want to get out of the car.

Then you want to sign up for Conspiracy Theory Hook Up. We promise to give out zero information about you or your date. If you want to be anonymous and meet other anonymous conspiracy theorists in an undisclosed location, log in right now. Word has it there’s a big singles mixer at R’lyeh at the next full moon. I went to a Burger King drive-through (not the best idea at the best of times) and almost got into a head-on collision with another car speeding the wrong way through the drive-through lane.

ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to Lying Awake with John Newly.

Lying Awake airs seven nights a week from midnight to 5 am.

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