Dating after abusive relationships

First I looked through old journals and blog posts and discovered that I knew more than I gave myself credit for knowing. I’d guessed why my husband feigned anger and time proved me correct.

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” whenever I met someone who stirred up my sexual feelings. My ex gave me crap about that world-view, but in hindsight, he’s the one who benefited most from my trust.

I shied away from him (or made it impossible to create a true bond) because after living with a monster, the thought of being fooled again made me sick to my stomach. I worked with him at that time, and he treated me no differently than before – he spoke kindly, remained patient with my newbie refinishing skills, and didn’t pressure me or even look at me funny. When I realized that I could not trust , my world-view shattered.

It took about five months of freedom to even opening myself to a relationship. He told me I was a beautiful person who deserved happiness and he would do whatever I asked him to do so I could find it. My home, the place I should have felt the safest, was actually a war zone, and his family members who I once thought of as friends were his co-conspirators.

When I finally did open up, the butterflies in my stomach opened and closed their wings – like steel traps. Trusting first, without holding anything back, can lead to disaster ().

I was aflutter about Eddy, but when those butterflies snapped their wings shut hard and fast, I withdrew from him. The last time I quit Eddy, I called him and tearfully told him that I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t hurt him and I didn’t know if he would hurt me. But that didn’t mean I had to retreat into a hardened shell and refuse to trust others.

My ex couldn’t stand tears – ranted about how weak I was for crying when I was upset or angry. ) For a long time, I trusted everyone until they gave me a reason not to trust them.

It only meant I needed to relearn how to trust myself.

After years of my husband brainwashing me into believing I couldn’t trust my own eyes let alone my thoughts, relearning to trust myself was easier said than done.

I wanted to know people who treated me respectfully, even if they were upset with me, and to be appreciated for the skills I have instead of denigrated for the skills I don’t.

Today, I don’t have anyone in my life who doesn’t love me.

After I figured out the qualities I wanted in friends, I listed what their behaviors would be they had those qualities.

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